Bohemian-Moon

Hey everyone. Out of all the long hiatuses, this has probably been the longest- and I'm pretty sure there's literally no one around who remembers the good ol' days. (Were they actually good? We may never know, but heck, they sure were fun!) ANYWAY:

I've moved! ((i can't believe these icons still work!!!))

You can find me over at now. New beginnings, new me, new art!

Thanks for all the good times on this page, though. I'm keeping a few things up, because how rare is it to find such thorough logs of yourself through the years? :')

Anyway. See you all on the other side, and in these crazy days? Please take care  

i haven't written here in a long time but i don't really know where else to write. especially not about this. i've talked to people in my real life- people close to me, the closest, the ones i love and admire and respect without question- but it's done nothing but stress me out more, and really bring home how lost i really feel right now. I got into art late in the game, and it was due to a combination of amazement at the talent of some people here and a determination to get there and an admiration for everything around me i saw and i enjoyed it. i -loved- it. i drew everyday, on everything, with non-stop enthusiasm. it wasn't the best work- it wasn't the most anatomically correct, the most balanced or compositionally sound- but it was what i loved, and it wasn't hard to leap over every hurdle and doubt i had with the idea that i could and would improve. I even made the decision to go to art school- that's how convinced i was that this was my passion, what i had finally found and could follow for the rest of my life. i got my dad and i into debt. nearly 50,000 dollars in debt so far. for what?
i don't know anymore. i want to cop out and say art school killed my love for drawing. By learning what was correct and what was right and expected to be good-great-excellent-professional, i only learned to start actively -hating- my own artwork, even when i was achieving what was demanded of me. i stopped drawing for myself. i stopped enjoying the ideas that still came to my head- that still do. but that wouldn't be fair. art school wasn't to blame- how can it be? when my classmates keep growing and improving and still have that enthusiasm i once had? i know it's my fault- a lot of it is. I'm lazy. i'm unmotivated. my depression and my anxiety and all the stupid crap i still let get to me hold me back in every possible way, and i've let myself believe it when it tells me i won't make it. that im good- good enough, technically- but i won't last a second in the competitiveness of this field.
i can live with that, i guess. It's not the first time i get incredibly passionate about something only to lose steam before im done. i've always been that way, i think, and this case is no different. in that sense, at least- because in every other sense it's may be the worst mistake i've ever made. i just don't know what to do.
part of me is scared that this is a phase. one that i -can- get myself out of, if i try hard enough. that i can learn to love to draw again. but part of me is afraid that even if i do manage to get myself out, and get in the habit of drawing again- i'll still fail to enjoy it like i do now. That the passion really is permanently gone. and in that case, what else do i have left that a degree i dont want and a debt i'll carry for making that wrong choice? i dont know what to do at all. im lost.

i wish i'd waited to see what i really wanted to do when i graduated high school. i wish i didn't let myself be blinded by a fantasy and rushed along by my parents and family and school and everyone demanding i make a decision on the career i wanted. i wasn't ready for the choice- i know that now- and i feel like i've ruined my life- and my dad's- by making a thoughtless, rushed decision just so i could say i was doing something. and now im here. and i just don't know what to do.

I was tagged by


Rules:
+You must post these rules
+Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and create ten new questions for the people you tag to answer.
+You have to chose ten people to tag and post their icons on your journal.
+Go to their pages and tell you have tagged him/her.
+No tag backs.
+No crap in tagging section "you're tagged if you're reading this." You legitimately have to tag!

Questions:
1 – Are you content with your life? Why/what would you change if you could?
I am happy, overall. I'm pretty sure I suffer from clinical depression on some scale and that can bring me down from time to time, but I've really learned how to counteract that over the years, and more days than not I'm really okay. If I could change anything, It wouldn't necessarily be about my life, but my dad's. I'd give him a good job that he'd love and he'd be able to -live- decently with. If it'd have to be about myself, it'd be what I'm trying to change right now- health and eating habits.

2 – How important is love for you? On a scale 1-10. Why?
10. Humans, for the most part, are social creatures. Even if it's self-love, we thrive on some form of it.

3 – Do your friends/relatives/close people know who you really are? If not, why?
My dad does. No one else, really.

4 – Do you do things you consider important yourself, or base your actions in accordance to what other people want/expect of you? Why/why not.
I think it's a mix of both. These days I do my best to go forth and push myself to doing things because they are necessary and important to myself- still, long years of struggling with low self-esteem makes it easy for me to want to follow what another person wants or does. It's an ongoing battle.

5 – Name 3 of your best traits (the ones you like yourself, not by popular opinion)
Well...hmm. I like my creativity, I guess- I can say with honesty that I've continuously proven that I can take a small idea or subject and build or expand upon it in an interesting, coherent manner. It's why I ended up writing and directing many school projects, or providing the the basic overlay of creative projects. I like that I apparently know how to calm and help my friends out when they need it- it's important to me, because I love my friends and want them to be happy. I'm also proud of the fact that I'm incredibly independent- I can take care of myself fully and have the ability to adapt really well to new situations.

6 – Name and describe 3 of your negative qualities that you actually like and consider to be irreversible parts of your character.  
Negative qualities that I like ...Well, that's a new one! I like that I'm both grotesquely optimistic and immovably realistic (that'll count as two, yeah?), because while I can maintain a sense of hope and a drive to keep moving forward in the worst of times, I am also 100% aware of the facts before me at all times. Seeing as I'm so into Psychology, I've psychoanalyzed the figurative crap out of myself since a young age, so I can't lie to myself whatsoever or hold any false delusions. Finally....hmm. I honestly can't think of anything else. I'm pretty aware of my negative aspects but do want to actively change them, so.

7 – Are you obsessed with anything? What is it?
I'm obsessed with everything, haha! On a broad range- my relationship, my dad, my friends, the internet, the various fandoms i belong to (The Kum Canoe i.e Kurt and Sam from Glee, Sherlock, Thorki + Avengers, Teen Wolf, etc, etc, etc), the books I've read in my life, music, my weight, the list goes on! I'm a pretty obsessive person, to be really honest, and it's why I keep away from drugs. I don't have the time or money or life to waste on getting obsessed with that kind of crap.

8 – If you could be anything/anyone in the world, what/who would it be? Why?
I'd just be a stronger, better version of me. The kind of person I wanna be. If not, I guess being an otter would be fun. uwu

9 – Do you have a general idea of what you want to have/do in life? What is it?
I'm studying Visual Development in Character Design for Animation at the moment, and my dream is to work at the Walt Disney Animation Studios in Burbank. Apart from that, I want to travel the world, master French and Italian at the least, and settle down to have four kids with my girlfriend, and own two corgis, two cats, and a spotted Juliana Micro Painted Pig named Sir Niffler Oinksalot. :3

10 – Do you believe in the afterlife? If yes, what kind – if no, why?
I do. I believe in spiritual planes and various degrees of consciousness and energy- I believe in Ghosts and negative energies (like demons). This is from both personal experience and just my personal train of thought.

My Questions! Have fun:

1 – How do you define 'Art'?

2 – Was there anything specific in your childhood that hugely affected who you are today? If not, do you think there's any specific point in your life that formed you? Or do you believe it was a group of small, separate events?

3 – What is your most ridiculous fear?

4 – What was that one toy you always wanted as a child, but never got to have?

5 – Name 5 movies that changed your perspective or the way you perceived specific events, things, places, or people.

6 – Did you have the 7th grade Emo/Goth phase? If not, what was your most embarrassing teenage phase?

7 – What are your five favorite quotes of all time?

8 – If you could erase every negative thing that ever occurred in your life, would you? Explain how that would change who you are/how you see the world.

9 – Fire or Ice? Why?

10 – On a scale of 1-10, How clean are you, anyway? Be Honest!

I am tagging…  

So I've been taking doodle requests over at my personal Tumblr (which really serves as my art tumblr/fandom tumblr/etc because...yeah, i'm just not meant to keep more than one at a time. Anyway.) and I've decided to start uploading the ones I really like over here. Out of ten, I've managed to finish five over the span of a month- there's five more to go!

Comments and critique would be greatly appreciated as always. Anyway- How is everyone? <3

and this is for everyone who followed me back in the old days and remembers my OC's. :')

Is there anyone you'd like to see re-drawn?

To Refresh your memory, here's my Full Character List, Which also links to Part 2 of it and my Single Characters list.

A lot of these never got drawn, but quite a few did! If you don't remember any OC's, is there any you'd like to see drawn from that list?

Or should I just continue with my random middle-of-the-night-uploading :')